How true is this caption? But I wonder how many of this nation’s fathers who are going to celebrate Father’s Day, really appreciate the layers of meaning embedded in it?

It is easy to step up on one day and celebrate the joy of fatherhood. But isn’t the real challenge being a Dad, most clearly evident and defined by those moments when we’re most challenged by our child’s actions? Isn’t the real metal of the fatherhood shown when we’re struggling to restrain ourselves from lashing out, lecturing or simply rejecting our kids because they have done something that has upset us?

Love, and feeling warm and fuzzy as a Dad is really easy when our kid’s are co-operative and compliant. Our chests burst with pride and joy. But what about when the wheels have fallen off the bike? When we are staring down the barrel with absolute disbelief with what the kid has done?

Raising a child is about how we are when the going gets tough; when they’ve broken some rule, come home past curfew or are sitting in the foyer of the police station. This is the time, when it’s tough, which really defines me as a Dad.

It is my ability to rise above my anger and disappointment, to not make it about me, that defines me as ‘Dad’. It is when I have to dig deep to stay in touch with my true feelings about my child, that the rubber hits the road and I get traction as a father.

So, they’ve screwed up. But who hasn’t?

Remember that in those tricky moments, I am not only truly raising my son or daughter, but I am also raising myself to a higher place as a Dad. I know; it’s hard to get over the fear, the hurt, and the anger. But that is what being a great dad is about. It is about being the adult in the relationship. It is about true fatherhood.

So, rather than being reactive, I am going to respond to what is the real issue for my child. I am going to continue to be loving, whilst not condoning whatever misdemeanour was perpetrated. And most importantly I am going to maintain a meaningful conversation that keeps our relationship engaged.

Raising Boys to Great Men – a couple of tips

  1. Be intentional about being a Dad. That requires some self-awareness. Think about how to deal with your son not just in the good times, but also when he’s getting under your skin.
  2. Pay attention to the ebbs and flows of your relationship with him. It’s not just about ‘doing stuff together.’ It’s about being around, observing and thinking about what might be going on for him. This gives you an opportunity to respond and not react.
  3. Be a good role model on how to communicate. Ask yourself what does my son see when I communicate? Really listen. Pay attention not just to the words but how they are spoken and the context there in. Right now, he might just grunt like a Neanderthal but trust evolution, he’ll grow out of it.

And Remember

Being a great Dad isn’t a celebration one day a year. It is something I, and hopefully you can celebrate everyday of our lives.

So, if you are interested to check your state of mind, talk to me. Come and visit www.goodmengreat.com and become part of the solution.

To set up an exploratory conversation, contact rebecca@goodmengreat.com.