As another young person takes their life in what has become a steady stream of deaths in Australia one major question persist:  What can be done to address this?

Why?!? In a previous blog I outlined that there are many reasons why someone young or old thinks about taking their life or does it.  It is a complex problem.  Some reasons are purely individual while some-if it rests in our culture especially ale culture.  What do you do when you feel like you don’t fit in, when you are trying to contain strong, negative feelings in order to conform to male stereotypes that require you to be competitive and success focused?  When you feel like you want a relationship but are too scared to risk rejection?

A CDC study found that 54% of Americans who died by suicide had no known mental health illness.  I suspect that these figures are similar to those in Australia.

Some causes of suicide

  • Pain,
  • Alienation and Isolation
  • Irrational thoughts
  • Anger
  • Impulsivity.
  • Alcohol and Drugs
  • Depression
  • Psychosis
  • The contagion effect:  Behavioural contagion is a type of social influence.  It refers to the propensity for certain behaviour exhibited by one person to be copied by others who are either in the vicinity of the original actor, or who have been exposed to media coverage describing the behaviour of the original actor.

What to do

I truly believe that one of the most powerful solutions to suicide is intimacy.  I’m talking about having closer relationships within our relationships and communities.  It’s about fostering a sense of unconditional regard for each other as human beings irrespective of our differences, be KIND and become more emotionally expressive and authentic where vulnerability is not judged as a weakness to those in our circle.  Its OK not to be OK and its OK to say that you’re not OK.

How do we take steps in forging strong relationships with those we love?

We generally associate intimacy with relationships where sex is a part of the bond.  This is too narrow a definition.  Firstly intimacy is not a thing it is a process that evolves over a lifespan.  And as such we need to be flexible enough to adapt to the changes we as individuals in relationship to one another will encounter.  Good intimacy is when we are closely bonded in our relationship, listen well and acknowledge the other person is feelings. In raising a child it also means helping the child to appreciate the right values and boundaries set by the parent wherein they can feel safe.

A poor examine of intimacy is when it is ‘all about me’ and when there is little or no empathy and emotional expression in the relationship.

Intimacy is the evolution of relationship between peoples that include an openness of thoughts, feelings and activities that consolidate the bond shared.  In order for this to begin a child needs to experience the closeness, affection in a relationship that is free of manipulation, punishment and abuse.

One of the keys to this for a parent is to forge a well attached bond wherein the parent is the guiding force in teaching the child the physical, emotional and social skills required to mature into a healthy adult; even when the going gets tough.  It is through this that a child learns to be self-aware and to become resilient.  Life is always going to throw out some curve balls, we need to learn how to catch them.

But what do we do when there is the risk especially in adolescents and adult life?   Firstly what to look out for:

  • Withdrawing from others – Desire to be left alone.
  • Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and being trapped
  • Belief that things will never get better or change.
  • Self-loathing, self-hatred – Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Feeling like a burden (“Everyone would be better off without me”).
  • Increased alcohol or drug use, reckless driving, unsafe sex. Taking unnecessary risks.
  • Unusual focus on death, dying, or violence. Writing poems or stories about death.
  • Talking about suicide – Any talk about suicide, dying, or self-harm, such as “I wish I hadn’t been born,” “If I see you again…” and “I’d be better off dead.”
  • Saying goodbye – Unusual or unexpected visits or calls to family and friends. Saying goodbye to people as if they won’t be seen again.
  • Sudden sense of calm – A sudden sense of calm and happiness after being extremely depressed can mean that the person has made a decision to attempt suicide.

Do’s

  • Express your concerns to the person.
  • I know you said you’re ok but I concerned for you.
  • I’ve noticed that you’ve been different lately.

Listen,  Stay connected

  •   What do you need right now from me?
  •   If you’re feeling unsafe there is help and it starts with me.

Dont’s

  • Avoid being judgmental, or lecturing.
  • Do not promise confidentiality.

From the Making Good Men Great framework being inclusive of each other, being accepting of differences, being open with expressing positive feelings for someone in pain without judgement and working with each other helps to reduce the risk of someone committing suicide.

Most importantly:   There is help.

If you or someone you love is in crisis or needs support right now, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or BeyondBlue on 1300 224 636. If it is an emergency please call 000.