One of the most difficult challenges anyone can face in their life is that of a separation or divorce. This is especially the case when children are involved. Part of the reason is that most times it is one person who has contemplated and initiated that they wish to be no longer in the relationship. The other person, however, is taken either by surprise or believe that whatever difficulties they have as a couple can be worked through and resolved.
Essentially what this means is that the two people in the relationship are in very different stages of the emotional cycle. Shock, anger and hurt dominate the atmosphere in the relationship as it moves towards the inevitable demise. These emotions lead to both people in the relationship to be highly reactive and defensive. This results in mutual expressions of criticism, contempt and blame. All of which fuel the conflict further.
This results in the conflict escalating and leading to a very acrimonious process of separating. In this context the children are the ones that truly suffer long-term.
But does it have to be that way?

The short answer is: No, it doesn’t.

Marc Levey, CDC, is a dear friend of mine in Southern California and one who I believe to be a great man. Marc is the founder of Quantum Resolution Coaching (http://quantum-resolution.com) which provides a very important service to helping men and women navigate through the treacherous waters that separation and divorce can have on people.
Marc is a man of exceptional insight who, through his own life journey, has come to believe that separation and divorce do not need to be destructive. Drawing from his studies in Buddhism, Taoism and Confucianism, Marc marries life experiences and the Eastern wisdom to help his clients navigate the turbulent waters of divorce to a calmer harbour.

Marc echoes much of what I bring to the table in Making Good Men Great. Most specifically that men, in particular, do worse in a divorce than most women, who are seventy percent more likely to initiate a divorce. As a result, men succumb to a range of physical, psychological and social symptoms that can be quite debilitating.
This is essential because traditional masculinity, that is patriarchy, has men steeped in a form of narcissism wherein binaries dictate our behaviours. Now, what are binaries? Binaries are things like good vs. bad, right vs. wrong, win vs. lose and so on. In different contexts, these binaries may be appropriate but in the process of separating and divorcing, they tend to be highly toxic and destructive.
In the coaching process, Marc helps his clients to REDEFINE what it actually means to “win”.
He then works on REFRAMING many of the pre-conceived notions of divorce to lessen the suffering normally associated with it. And finally, he works on RESTRUCTURING the family household in a way that can benefit the entire family rather than just one parent.
These steps inevitably mean that men will relinquish the patriarchal values of territory, hierarchy (status), acquisition and competition for the more constructive values of being inclusive, respectful, distributive and cooperative.
As a result men are able to be less reactive and more responsive to their own needs as well as their children’s. The result Marc helps his clients aim for:

Is to approach high conflict situations from a position of calm, clarity and confidence.

For those if you who think that working with a certified divorce coach would benefit you or a loved one, you can reach out to Marc though his website at http://quantum-resolution.com to schedule a complimentary discovery session.

To find out more about Making Good Men Great and the programmes we offer please contact Rebecca on 02 9999 0429 or email rebecca@goodmengreat.com.